Smart Single Muslimah by Farhat Amin

Using marriage as a gateway to escape a current challenging situation often leads people to leap into a relationship without due diligence. It’s also unrealistic to expect your spouse to ”save you”; after all, they are just as flawed as the next person.” — Smart Single Muslimah, Farhat Amin

I decided to read this book on a whim, after witnessing marital disasters I was completely pessimistic about the prospect of marriage. I couldn’t see the attraction to marriage or a close relationship that so many people my age worship. The whole “wouldn’t it be nice to share my life with someone, a companion, my own, personal fajr alarm.” — as Farhat Amin puts — didn’t appeal to me. So, after seeing multiple reviews of Farhat’s book (and it being on sale) I decided to give it a read, perhaps I’d warm up and be optimistic towards marriage.

The reality is the demographic of youth today has changed from that of thirty years ago, many women work, go to university, find people themselves etc and are we prepared to answer different questions? And not just answering them based on the predisposed secular mindset but from the Islamic worldview. That’s what Farhat aims to do with this book, or at least what I gauged as the reader.This book is not a book on fiqh, but its main addressees are unmarried sisters and parents. It’s refreshing to read Farhat’s no nonsense writing based on Islamic teachings and morals, she also included a useful list of questions to ask potentials. There is currently a warring dichotomy (in the Muslim online sphere) between extreme feminism and the extreme alt-right and both are leaving the average Muslim confused on important life decisions, from an unbalanced perspective. I’d highly recommend this book for sisters in the same situation I was, I thought I was the only one confused, experiencing two separate realities — seeing unhappy married couples or the unmarried Twitter akhs and bints romanticising every moment of the day. Yes I’m a cynic and admittedly I still have my reservations, but this was a step forward alhamdulillah.

If these are the dilemmas of your life or if you are going through the painful phase of multiple rejection or looking for 'that' Islamic way of choosing a groom which the society quotes but doesn't teach you how; then you must invest and read this book 'Smart Single Muslimah'.

The book talks briefly about the factual reason why the up holders of feminism look down on marriage and raising kids. I liked the way the author has stated clearly the wrongs in this society whether it's related to dating culture (beautified by the west) or Halal dating (decked by Muslim twitter).

Alongwith siting the problems faced by Muslimah the author has also given real-time solutions when choosing a partner and templates of expectations, questions and red-flags to keep in mind when searching and talking to a potential proposal within the boundaries of Islam.

This book starts off by addressing the increasingly trending notion of marriage being out of fashion. If you have watched the recent interview with Malala where she questioned the importance of marriage, you would’ve been cognisant of the rise of the smart, powerful, empowered, independent woman who ‘don’t need no man’. Although I have only recently got married, this book has been illuminating and insightful in giving me the clarity and confidence that I am with the right person.

It addressed contemporary relationship issues and refutes liberal views that waters down the institution of marriage which is vital in every society, dating back to the birth of civilisation itself. This book also helped to frame my understanding of marriage in light of the Qur’an and Sunnah. I love the self-reflection questions included in this book, foregrounding the importance of building your personal identity and relationship with yourself first, before being in a committed relationship with someone else. She also dedicated a chapter on the purpose of our existence, which is essential to recalibrate our intentions, and remind us of why we are getting married in the first place, and steer us away from being too pressured about getting married.

Concluding the book is a useful list of questions to ask a potential spouse which I urge every single Muslim woman to ask, ask, ask during the ta’aruf stage. Every smart, single Muslim woman on a journey of seeking a compatible husband should read this comprehensive and honest marriage guide before finding someone who can complement you, and not complete you.